Late Night Thoughts

I'm up late and the house is quiet. 

Seems odd that everything is so still. Usually I'm trying to crank out different household jobs whenever the boys are asleep. Tonight is different though, because I can't stop thinking. I keep thinking about my job. 

My mommy job.

Never before have I been entrusted with so much responsibility. I have been entrusted with two little lives. Two little boys that watch every move I make. Every action and reaction. My attitude. My relationship with their Daddy. My relationship with GOD. They see it all. It's scary what they see because I know that I am far from perfect. 

I want with all of my heart to be a good mommy to my boys. And I am reminded daily that I can't be a good mommy without help. As much as I hate it, I am insufficient. No matter how hard I try I can't meet all of their needs. I can't keep them from all the harm and hurt that comes with life. I don't respond correctly all of the time. I don't make right choices. I choose sin over God. I fail.

Which is why I pray that my boys see my desire for God, imperfect as it is. I pray that my boys see the choices that should be made. That's why I pray that God would protect them from harm and hurt. That's why I pray for grace in raising my boys. 

I'm an imperfect mommy trying to show them a perfect God. 

A God that is sufficient. A God that never fails.